It’s easy to find fault with what others do—or fail to do. Then we get mad and often overreact.
We resort to silence to punish the person, which assumes the other party understands what went wrong. Or we yell and pitch a fit that has others scrambling for cover.
There are better ways to deal with issues, but facing problems takes courage, and self-control.
“If we scratch beneath the surface of our relationships with people we love, we’re likely to see that the issues we might have with them lie in what we’ve failed to communicate to them in an honest, mature, and rational manner,” posted Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D. in the 2019 online article “How to Be Truthful Without Being Hurtful.”
Here are helpful communication steps I’ve been learning:
1 Take time to reflect why I feel the way I do and what is my overall goal. It takes a while to figure out why I am upset and what is a reasonable expectation.
2 Set a mutually convenient time for conversation to address concerns.
3 Simplify what behavior I want. Stay away from going on and on about feelings that the other person can’t control. What specific action do I want the other person to do after hearing me?
I recently had to practice these steps with a new friend who cancelled last minute on an outing. I was hurt and resorted to silence. A few weeks went by, then she asked if something was wrong. Braving candor, I told her I felt rejected and sad.
“Thanks for your honesty,” she said.
I breathed a sigh of relief at her gracious response. Then we shared what was going on in our minds and found a way to move forward.
Instead of flushing a blooming friendship, I realized I could advocate for myself and allow room for growth.
Today’s Bible verse:
“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips,” (Proverbs 24:26 NIV).
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Image credit for smile: Pixabay
